Ever wonder why you no one is approaching you?
You are attractive, educated and you got your stuff together.
Why wouldn’t anyone want to approach you, right?
Imagine going to an event expecting to meet someone new. Your hair and nails are done. You have on your best outfit. Walking into the room, you say to yourself, “I’m bound to meet my spouse tonight.”
But as the last song ends, or as the host bids you adieu, you pick up your jacket and exit the door, leaving the same way you came in – alone.
You ask yourself, what am I do wrong?
Well, here are three mistakes that you are doing that you need to stop today so that you will go to events and start meeting people.
Mistake Number 1: Travelling within a group.
It’s the weekend, and you and your girls plan to meet up and check out an event together. You are all excited because you know that are a bunch of good looking girls who are ready to mix and mingle. You believe that this is enough to get you to meet someone. However, here are some reasons why you should try venturing on your own.
First, history suggests that the ratio between women to males at singles events tend to be uneven. One of the reasons is because women don’t go by themselves. They always got to go with two to four other girls. When men go, they go either by themselves or maybe one other guy. Now you are surprised that there are more females than males. Try going by yourself.
I know going to social events alone can be scary, but if you aim to meet someone new, then you shouldn’t be alone for too long after getting there. If you are not ready to travel alone, try going with one friend. Choose a friend that is also open to meeting new people so that if you end up talking to someone, she will not get upset that you left her alone and throw off the vibes.
If you must travel with more, do not travel with more than 2 friends.
I repeat, do not travel with more than two friends. Two is pushing it, but more than that is intimidating. Men do not want to approach you if they have an audience. They already know that they are not only facing you but your judgemental friends who may say something to discourage you from talking to him. Also, it’s always harder joining a conversation when there is a group verse starting a conversation with one person.
If you end up travelling in threes, I would recommend that you step away from your other two friends and walk around the room apart as often as you can. Go to the bathroom to freshen up alone or get a drink or some food alone. Doing this gives the guy who has been watching you an opportunity to approach you without fear of competing with your friends.
Mistake Number 2: Appearing standoffish.
What does standoffish even mean? Well, in short, it’s unapproachable. You come across to the approacher like you don’t want to be bothered, and if they do, you may reject them. How does that look on a person? Well, you are not smiling, you are not giving eye contact, and you are probably with your arms crossed.
All body languages that indicate that you are not open to being approached. Another thing you may do is stand away from the group, not trying to engage with anyone. If there is a group of people and you are not engaging with them, they may conclude that you are standoffish.
Reasons why you come across as standoffish
There are many reasons why you come across that way, but I believe the main one is because you are shy, and this is your way of defending yourself. But this is also the reason why you are not meeting someone new. So to change that start off small, start being in the same proximity of the group. Make sure you have an open body frame. Then begin giving eye contact, and when someone looks at you, provide them with a half-smile. As you get more comfortable, your smile will get more abundant, and people will start viewing you as open. Once this happens, you are bound to meet someone new.
Mistake Number 3: Being distracted.
What are some things that are distracting you? You may be reading, or you maybe listen to music in your ears. But the main culprit is looking at stuff on your phone. Our phone is a great time killer. We use it to occupy our time when we are waiting for the bus or maybe while we sit on the bus travelling home.
But this also puts a block between you and the person who wants to approach you. If you occupied, no one wants to take the risk of interrupting you. That is scary. Try not pulling out your phone, especially when you are at a social event.
How dare you be social on Facebook and Instagram when you have people in real life that you can socialize with. With nothing in your hand, you leave your arms open, and an open body frame as reference above gives the impression that you are open for conversation. Try this at the next event you go to.
Will you stop making these mistakes?
I promise once you stop making these mistakes that the next time you go to an event, you will meet at least one person you. If not, then there will be a future post on how to correct that mistake.